The “Just say NO to Bullying’ policy was actually written by a pack of bullies….

 

Warning… this blog contains explicit language and adult concepts.

Here’s a thought.  You’re a bully.  Or you definitely were a bully.  And I imagine you were bullied too.  It could have been in the depths of a toddler sand pit war or the trenches of tragic high school life.  But you have really hurt someone's feelings before.  And you may have even left teeth marks too.  The only difference between people is how they learnt from the experience.  You either developed compassion, or you got off on the power trip and now resort to it daily.  Or both?   You may have just never reflected upon your actions enough to be sure.

 

 

So how the hell is the blanket policy of “Just say NO to BULLYING” going to work?    Because we have just negated ourselves, our own children, our friends and our family.  Who is happy with having their child labelled a ‘bully’.  Are you happy with being called a ‘bully’?  It seems everyone is being bullied…. but it is unclear who the actual bully is.  And what have been the consequences of the policy?   Children are no longer expelled, or suspended based on anti-discrimination policy looming in the back ground.  So what exactly are the consequences after we have finished saying ‘no’?

Here’s another thought.   By “just saying NO”, we are saying that victims are good, bullies are evil and life would be so  much easier if we could just dress those baddies in black so we know where we stand.   Problem is, we all think we are the goodies, that Yoda was our Uncle and that if Darth Vader came to town we would definitely clear our minds and chose the ‘force’.  Bullshit.

And what happens when our kids enter the workforce, get directed to do something… and they just start saying ’no’!  ‘No! You can’t make me do something, that is bullying!”  What lessons (or what social handicaps) is this blanket policy of buck passing and watered down rhetoric creating for the long term productivity and mental resilience of our children?

I’ve been a terrible bully.  When I was 13 I threw my best friend Melissa’s jumper down a hill to show Sandra Donnelly how tough I was.  About 6 months later I pushed a really tall, quiet boy (Paul Denier) books off a two storey railing and spat water on them.  Classy.  I wince whenever I think about it.  And I am so, so, so sorry and think less of myself and my actions more than anybody else could.  I was an arse.  I can still be an arse.  I’m working on that.

I’ve been bullied too.   This is probably because I was only 4 foot 2 inches until I was 15, had a remarkably flat chest and a rather interesting beak like Polish nose.  Comments like ‘surf board’ and ‘tonker nose’ (i.e. like I had a stonker marble stuck up my nose, the poor lad didn’t have a very high IQ so the insult ‘tonker’ stuck) are not foreign to me.

Later in my working life I got called a “c..t” during in a Police debriefing because I went to the toilet after being deployed in a bus for 4 hours.  I was rostered on three months of night work because I reminded a Senior Sergeant of the blonde that her ex-husband cheated with.   When I was the only female in a 50 male strong specialist services raid on bikkies my supervisors apologised during the very public briefing that a female (i.e.: me) was rostered on, and they said they would try and change policy so it wouldn’t happen again. 

Wah wah wah.  Poor me.  The lesson isn’t that someone should have protected me, or punished these people.  The lesson is that these people where dealing with insecurities and perceived ideas of what they needed to do, be and say to look like they were in control.  They just wanted to be a cool kid.  Much like I did when I was 13.    The lesson is in individual resilience, having a vocabulary to deal with these situations to achieve a satisfactory outcome and the ability to learn compassion for people’s feelings through your own experience.  That means being able to put yourself in somebody else’s shoes.  And this shouldn't be some special psychic gift.  It should just be natural social progression.

And really, I’d be a pretty boring person if the greatest hardship I ever faced was the radical decision to wear tangerine lipstick with hot pink accessories, and if the butcher will have grain fed brisket when I go shopping this afternoon.

Bullying can take many forms: social exclusion, gossip, and any generic form of chest beating and with a good dash of ‘look at me, look at me!”

So hasn’t Facebook provided a wonderful platform for people to showcase their many insecurities and ask for public acknowledgement, either passive aggressively or with a more high school form of pure verbal abuse.  It’s lost the innocence of organising highs school reunion’s and telling really funny bodily function jokes, and is instead replaced by a more sinister undertone of “us” against “them”, good against evil, “I’m right and you are basically wrong… which therefore makes me better.”  It’s a place where yoga teachers can promote inner peace, and personal message clients to stir up up gossip.  People can hide behind power quotes about personal empowerment while self medicating with food addictions, alcohol and anti-depressants.

We seem to be descending down a slippery slide where we can only feel good about ourselves if we get a ‘thumbs up’ and an all round cyber ‘like’, and no longer gain comfort with our own company, or a face to face chat.

When I teach my teens I always try to teach them that someone who insults you is usually holding up a mirror to their sub-conscious. So if they call you ‘fat’, ‘ugly’, ‘psycho’ you just got a little glimpse into their own self-hatred and what they have previously been called.  Carl Jung and Freud might just have known what they where talking about when they studied human behaviour…  Horrible people hate themselves more than you ever could.  Or, the most difficult people may be narcissistic.  With age these special little units get easier to pick – just look for the very special psychosis where they continuously blame the rest of the world for everything that befalls them and they demand you fix it: right now!   Nothing you do or say will change a narcissist’s poor behaviour as they wail ‘poor me’ and gaze lovingly at themselves in the still pond.

Here’s another fact.  You’re child is 10 more times likely to kill themselves then be killed in a car accident.  But road safety receives 100 times more funding.

Unfortunately (or fortunately I believe) there is no Facebook in heaven.  But most teenagers I deal with that suffer who from depression and suicidal thoughts fantasise about what their Facebook page will look like after they die, who will turn up to their funeral, and what people will tweet as their body is being interned.  And most high schools have a policy of not mentioning the word ‘suicide’ because it encourages them to try it.  WTF?  I just saw an ad for Kentucky Fried popcorn chicken but I am sure as f—k not going to try it!

How the hell has this happened?  How did our children’s self esteem become so de-evolved that they can no longer deal with the stresses of name calling?  That suicide has become a cool option?  That parents have become so incapable of face to face communication that they can no longer be a positive influence in their child’s self development and personal growth.

What’s the answer?

1.  Get rid of this “Say NO to Bullying” crap.  In fact, let’s stop even using the word ‘bully’ because the mere use of the word gives power to the idiots.  It’s dualistic, watered down approach doesn’t work and is lip service to nothing.

2.  Stop being the perfect parent/ teacher who did/ does nothing wrong.  If adults don’t start  having conversations with kids about how they have learnt from mistakes then we are encouraging a generation of kids that were made to feel ‘special’ but have no coping skills.

3.  Teach kids to read social situations.  That might mean getting rid of phones and computers.

4.  Give our children a vocabulary to deal with difficult people and difficult situations.  As they get older their vocabulary will expand (with good education and role models) and they will start to feel confident in letting their personality shine through when dealing with bad tempered morons.

4.  Talk to kids about death and dying and its permanence.

5.  Make kids feel important, but importantly, make them realise that they are not the centre of the universe.  Bad things happen to good people.

6.  Teach resilience.  Be resilient.  Embrace resilient role models. 

7.  You can’t hurt a person that has a deeper understanding of the fallible nature of hurtful people.  Teach human nature.  Knowledge is power.  Understanding shall set you free.

8.  Make kids realise that they are responsible for what they attract into their lives.  They can be both the problem AND the solution.  I love that concept. 

9.  Always teach solutions.  Stress is always a lack of options. Options = solutions.

10.  What happened to having it a good stoush, feeling better about being heard, and being friends again?  Or just plain old choosing being nice over being right?

If we are going to solve this problem let’s open the window and let in the light.  The cold hard light of day… It’s refreshing isn't it?  Let’s acknowledge we are both the problem and the solution and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.  Rather then expecting the rest of the world to solve our problems for us.

Let’s start having some serious consultation and some innovative education.  When did we all get so afraid?  This is not the legacy I want to leave my children.

 

If your childcare, school or high school is experiencing problems with aggressive children (and even parents) encourage your school principle to think about programs to sky rocket their kids and teachers to self resilience and confidence.

www.sweatsystems.com.au

Or contact me personally today.

Something’s got to change.  I’ll be your soft place to fall and protector all in one.

Join sweatdepot.blogspot for self protection articles, whole food recipes and home based training programs:

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The day I remember the women who shaped me… yes, you…

 

I am nothing special, but I feel very special being asked to speak with you today.  So in the spirit of International Women’s Day I would like to honour all the women that are special to me and share with you how they have moulded and lifted me to feel like I might be a little bit special.  And I would like to remind you of your own journey and the kismet that has proceeded it, and continues to stretch out  before you, lined in a path of women that have been special to you.

When I was six weeks old I was told that I had died.  This was at a time when SIDS babies where never survivors, they were only tiny grief's that families mourn for eternity.  But God was blighted the day that he decided to take a child from my mother.  Because with her roar and the consequential arrival of my Grandmother (who was born of the tough stuff of surviving depressions and  world wars), I was belted continuously on my back until breath returned and the ambulance arrived. And the jury is still out as to whether I suffered lasting brain damage…. But it is a powerful legacy to be reminded from a young age that you survived and this was obviously for a special reason.  So no matter how great my self loathing and how very low my self esteem plummeted throughout my youth, this mantra formed a far superior background to my self worth… and one I always try to remember when talking to people.  What a miracle every life is, and how very special a person must be to survive it.

My Cash ancestry is also a little proud.  My Great , great Grandfather and his brother were the first settlers of Samford and Albany Creek (and how befitting the lunch was nestled in the great frontier of James Cash Court and Cash’s Crossing).  In their forties the Cash men ventured down to Sydney to choose 14 year old brides from a potato famine ship.  Mary would become my Great , Great Grandmother: bare children in her mid-teens, endure still births and see young children die in household fires.  She had a reputation for educating the local Aboriginals and clothing them… and maybe my DNA is implanted with the need to clothe people in lycra.  Her life was hard and she was alone for months on end armed with only a pitch fork and corn pipe while the men worked the banana planation in Mt Glorious.  No Facebook, iPhone or online shopping.  Can you imagine the horror?  This is a tough act to follow.

My father left when I was young, in the most literal sense: physically, emotionally and financially.  My little sister was only three days old and it was Christmas day.  But I was raised in a large family tribe with my two sisters and brother, having three females in charge… My Mum, my Aunty and my Grandma. My mother and Aunty finished each others sentences and spoke in a secret short-hand language, and we thought it perfectly normal to be raised as a pack.  When my Mum couldn’t afford gymnastics for me, my Aunty would pay.  I would work with my Aunty Jenny as a teenager in school holidays, and loved seeing her in action.  And she made me a fearless Plumbing Supplies receptionist at the age of 14, and I learnt very young to fake it till you made it.   Especially in a man’s world.

I think the 80’s was a wonderful time to be raised as a girl, even though my adolescence was like a more high-haired version of puberty blues (without the panel vans and beachside location).  Me and my dudette girlfriends had ‘Pretty in Pink’, and ‘The Breakfast Club’, and ‘Wall Street’ to aspire to…  Australia back then had relatively free education and medicine, and my mother was an active socialist during a political period that saw the strongest Federal cabinet in Australia's history (just quoting the Courier Mail on that one).  So being politically sensitive was never really my mother’s strong suit, and she effectively passed the ‘hotly opinionated banner with little regard for social niceties’ to me.  I remember seeing a home tax return on the kitchen table showing my mother lived on only $8000 one financial year, but she managed to not only keep four children alive and fed, but also steer each and every one of us through university before the age of 21.  Not bad for a single parent with a grade 8 education.

I also had the most wonderful, ambitious friends at school and university.  We would all boldly state, “Why do we need to learn how to type when we are going to have our own receptionists?” and snickered loudly at typewriters.  And we completely believed it.  My girlfriends and sisters got TE scores in the 900’s, and even though we still wanted acceptance from some of the more bogan trendy boys, we were also pretty sure that there was something more to life.  And how lucky I am to have been a part of those amazing ambitious minds that never once doubted we couldn’t do anything.

So I can only feel I was a disappointment when at the age of 18 I had chosen a mothers worst nightmare for a boyfriend.  After I arrived home one morning with a fractured skull and a very attractive set of matching black eyes I would find discretely placed pamphlets and newspaper cuttings on violent relationship helplines.  She would secretly encourage my girlfriends to take me on trips away that would now only be described as planned interventions.   And in the end she shook me in desperation and told me  ‘One day you can cry over your children, but never a boy, a boy is not worth these tears.’  She had never raised me to be so weak minded and pathetically incapable.

And while I battled to end this relationship with this angry, illiterate boy that hated me going to university I would drag myself to my Public Policy lectures and see a woman in a Queensland Police Uniform…  Myself and my equally ambitious uni friend would nod and say… “We can do that!”  And we did both end up doing just that…. But for very different reasons.  I went to escape a toxic relationship and try to gain some sort of identity at the age of 20, Helen went because, well, she was really good driver and unemployment was higher then 13%.  Helen subsequently left the Academy to become one of the most successful women in Australian banking.  And I would meet the woman wearing the police uniform from QUT about 8 years later.  I was helping her in a cell extraction of a female prisoner that spat faeces onto her face (I always have a poo story don’t I?).   It is only now that I truly realise that  otherwise insignificant meetings lead to significant life choices… and I am humbled by its importance.

I have had two more obvious significant meetings with women that would change my life.  One was with a mother that had lost her 6 week old  baby to SIDS, and me at the ignorant age of 22 bursting in, in my oversized Police Uniform, extracting the baby from Mums arms to be taken to the undertaker so we could commence our investigation with haste.  The poor shocked Mum kept saying to me, “We will try and have another baby,”.  And I remember thinking, “Wow, that’s just weird.”  The year I turned 30 I froze with horror one day as I remembered what I had done to that mother.  These memories became more traumatic with my first pregnancy.  And now I would do battle with the Grim Reaper and time itself just to give that poor women another 30 minutes with her baby, and I pray daily for her and her baby that will never grow old.

Another meeting was with a young aboriginal girl that was a victim of sexual and physical abuse at the hands of Foster carers when she was a very young girl.  Sharleen and I seemed to be cosmically linked, because no matter how hard she tried to hide from me so she didn’t have to talk anymore, I would find her.  I would find her in Goodna shopping centres, residential homes… An invisible force would always lead me to her.  She had a very young baby, and it was quiet obvious that her young boyfriend that recently released from jail was abusing her.. and possibly the baby.  I remember saying to her, “He will kill you, or the baby… you have to do something.”  But she would just shrug.  And never let me help.  One year later I was called to give evidence on her behalf at the Foster Carers trial.  Why?  I asked the prosecutor.  Because she had been murdered by her boyfriend.  He had dragged her into a rear paddock and belted her to death.  And my imagination is cruel in its taunting that she lay helpless listening to her infant son crying as she died.  

This is why when I see a woman in an obviously unhealthy relationship I will not be silent.  I will not tolerate her shrug of the shoulders or the down play of her partners excuses.  I will no longer tolerate silence in the face of violence, mental illness, addiction and people who are unable to help themselves. The meek do not inherit the earth… they inherit only pain.  While others watch silently.  And I find it impossible to watch women teach their children that they are not worthy of love, and that apathy is the easiest option.  And I will probably shake doors and battle demons for the rest of my life to stop the silence, and the apathy.  Because there is something more…  I want something more for all women and children.

Even though I am a martyr of the less than heroic kind, and would go to war for my beliefs and to protect those who can’t protect themselves, the Police was never the forum for me to fight these battles.  After one very long night work in plain clothes, my dear female flatmate, also a police woman, had to save me from a meltdown that was reminiscent of Demi Moore trying to freeze herself to death in a windswept, psychosis scene in ‘Saint Elmo's Fire’  (showing my age here).  Luckily it was 40 degrees in Brisbane, and as she dragged me into a shower I mumbled something about an ”Oprah Winfrey” episode called ‘Finding Your Sacred Contract’.  My ‘contract’ with the Police was slowly killing my spirit, and my ‘Oprah light bulb moment’ would not fade.

Luckily for me, I also suffer from A.D.D. and so was easily convinced to join the QPS Women’s Advisory Group where I would meet Domestic Violence Liaison Sergeant Kelly Gurski.  A force of nature unto herself, she slapped me across the face and suggested I was not dying, and that I needed to study, get my Detective’s Appointment and get promoted.  Oh, and while I’m there get my fitness and boxing coach qualifications too…  Because if she could work and raise six children, I could quit being a whiner and change SOMETHING…  anything.  Because nobody likes a loser.  And while I was at it why not open a little boxing gym?  And start a women’s active wear label?  Yes, that was possible.  Everything is possible…

 

Forces of nature at work VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

 

Other forces of female nature were also at work… troupes of friends tagging clothes for me and painting gym walls and choreographing my upcoming fashion parade.  And I had a final female push, by an Inspector that believed that a good police woman couldn’t possibly have a business at the same time.  It was just her false belief that exposed the transparency of the situation - I needed to move along.  The police was another woman’s dream.  I was moving out for her so I could move into my own.

Build it, and it will come... VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

I am also fortunate that the ZONTA tornado herself, Karen Fuller and her pose of loyal women folk (including Lancey), would burst into my gym doors and put wheels in motion to have my self defence programs delivered to school children.  And at the same time Karen fundraised for Sergeant Gurski to get demountable rooms for her special needs teens.  All the while Karen would be standing behind, puffing into my sails, convincing her equally generous friends that I needed a new shed to train in… telling me to get my lessons out there and pushing my ship out to sea.

I met women like Jodie Chambers that fought a committee of men to find me a place to teach and box.  And then came the silent workings of women who dragged 40 kilo boxing bags, truck tyres and 200 square metres of flooring to move me … again and again.  And again. And when I got cranky they fed me and provided me with lip gloss.  All the while their husbands and cordless drills were being rallied to the cause, and their children at their hips.  And not because I am anything special.  Or could offer them anything special.  Or give them any special recognition.  They are just special women.  They are exceptional women.  And they didn’t need an exceptional cause to prove how unconditionally exceptional they are. 

If resigning from the Police was the best day of my life, having my son Thomas was the luckiest.  Buoyed by that luck is the women in my life, my mum, sisters, friends… All have led me on such a magnificent journey, and all are gently teaching me how to be a better Mum.  My most proud job to date.  I want to celebrate these women, and if I haven’t met you yet, I want to celebrate you too… for the women that have led you here, for the role you play in shaping your children and family, your workplace and community. 

And on Tuesday I found out I was having a little girl.  I want to celebrate that in 4 months she will arrive in a world that has been made safer, and more bountiful and loving because of women like you.   Where if she feels hurt or scared her voice will be heard, and women will rally to her cause.  It is not enough to wish my unborn child happiness, I want to wish for her strength of all the women in this room… all the women that have proceeded her and forged a path for her.   This is my wish for her.  This is my wish for all your daughters.  Thank you Zonta for all you do for women, thank you women for all you do for my soul.

 

This speech is dedicated my Mum (my universe), my Aunty Jenny, my soft and beautiful Grandma, my smart and savvy and awesomely outspoken sisters Trina and Sheridan aka Bean and Bear Bum respectively, my cousin Lindsey who I adored since birth – if you loved yourself as much as I loved you no harm could ever come of you … and my magical sister from another mister Richelle Spence.

My family VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

 

To my fabulous high school friends who were my teenage world: Melissa Seibold, Katrina Dore, Leanne Murphy, Sharon Weston and Stephanie Newman, and the best thing that happened to me in my University universe, Helen Horne.

80's puberty blues... VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

I ride on the shoulders of some pretty sexy giants….  Here’s to my force of nature friends that feed my stomach, cracked lips, and soul: Kelly Gurski, Tracie Pecic, Shannon Cooper, Jan Williams, Shell Jarrett, Karen Fuller, Rachael Teirnan, Kim Dods, Sally Brouwer, Jodie Murray, Lene Kristensen, Amanda Barker, Marnie Grey, Nik Zaini, Kim Gasson and Fiona Hayes.

 

On the shoulders of sexy giants VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

I have a very special mention to some mid-wives, and miracle worker women that everyday I give a silent thanks to: Jacinta Rashford, Lauren Williams, Natalie Millgate and Dr Sharon Ward. 

And a great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet, and on her head a crown of twelve stars.  Revelation 12:1

 

Your smiles carry me miles.... VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

 

For the mums and marvellous women that are my tribe and tribute, that train me with me until I am in a better mood… and I would happily go to war with - as long as there is coffee… Julie Gardner, Jo Johnson, Bec Glenister, Kate Hart (what a  heart), Jodie Chambers, Baby Jo Statham, Meredith Halling, Cherie Cleary, Leticia Casey, Samara Mays, Sam Bird, Mandy Cuskelly, Claire Farquhar, Annette Graham, Mon Powell, Tracey Caruana, Judy Sengleman, Chris Shanahan, Sheridan Dyne, Sara Thorne, Sarah Grein, Simone Brownlie, Christine King, Karen Stevenson, Jo Bassett,  Hayley Pullen, and Sharon Wood.

 

Women who train together, stay together... VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

 

Let death or pain not be the catalyst to celebrate and love you… let me cherish you now.

How do we make self defence SEXY?

How do we make self defence and personal protection for our teens something that they really want to do?

How do we take away the connotations of crusty old men in gee’s doing martial arts moves?   Moves that were traditionally practiced for 2-3 hours at dawn everyday before they were even remotely perfected by Asian soldiers and monks…

Mmmmmmm… Of course self defence is an important skill.  It is only when you have been attacked or violated that you treasure the peace and contentment that came prior to the attack, and the thought that you wish you could have done things differently.  Of course you want to know that you have given your children every chance of survival…

But unfortunately, the people who require self defence and personal protection skills more than anybody, will also be the least likely to reach out for these skills.  They are the person that is least likely to react to situations quickly, to assert influence and judgement in a situation, to display the self confidence required to avoid victimisation… TO YELL THEIR GUTS OUT SO THAT AN ATTACKER WILL RUN FOR THE HILLS!

This is a fundamental truth. We can’t control how other people act… but we can control how WE react.

Is self defence sexy?  Of course it is… if it is taught correctly.

It is an attractive quality in both men AND women that they are confident and capable.  That they can protect themselves and their family.  So we have a little bit of a job on our hands teaching the current generation of teen girls that hair and makeup aren’t what define their attractiveness… that their ability to think, act, and be capable is far more attractive then the cowering girl with perfect hair.

AND did you know that a teen boy is THREE times more likely to die because of their immature neural path development required to think through risk?  Put simply, they aren’t mature enough to think safely.  UNLESS THEY ARE TAUGHT…

The answer…. if they want sexy, let’s give them sexy… Sexy is capable, and able to look after themselves and others.

A sexy male is calm, strong and has rational thought processes to protect himself and others.  He is the ‘go to man’.  The man women swoon over because of his love of family and his ability to sort things out.  When the shit hits the fan, we go to this man…

A sexy female isn’t skinny… she is strong.  She thinks for herself, holds her head high and with confidence, and attracts strong confident, like minded people into her life.   She will not remain silent about abuses against herself and others.

A sexy person is a person that takes responsibility for their health and their learning.  Their is nothing more ‘unsexy’ then someone who loves blaming others for how bad their life is, how sick they are, how hard done by they are.  Since we were cave men, strong has ALWAYS been the new sexy.  It has never changed.  Modern medicine and agriculture have just ensured a longer living breed of ‘unsexy’ that would not have normally survived evolution. 

Strong is sexy.

Strength in emotional health, physical health, and strength in the ability to protect yourself and others…  Strength in carefully chosen words.  Strength in carefully chosen silence.  Strength in choosing to listen rather then having to be right.  Strength in choosing your battles wisely…

But to teach strength, you need to look to strong role models. Self defence is traditionally the domain of the male dominated  martial arts… where 100 kilo men ‘allow’ women to try some moves.  These moves often aren’t simple, because how can the complexity of the sport and the talent of the instructor be showcased with simple moves???

So rule number one for sexy self defence:
Teach without ego.

The teaching of self defence goes largely unmonitored. Instructors may have criminal histories and links to organised crime as a result of their ‘fighting history’ that parents of students are completely unaware of.

Rule number two:
Let the instructors be a good role model of the strength that you want to teach your child.





I have also seen instructors teach women to walk around with film canisters of chilli and talcum powder in their handbag, and instruct how to make other homemade weapons.  Which is 1: an offence against the Queensland Criminal Code (see: Man Trap) and 2: no freaking good if you are busy fumbling around in your bag while you are being knocked unconscious!

Rule number three:
Good self defence teaches you how to defend yourself without relying on weapons.


Statistics indicate that your child is most likely to die prematurely due to suicide and violent incident at the hands of their friends or family, then by ‘the bogey man’.  Do your teens have the capacity to understand the permanency of death?  That there are better options in bad situations?  That people are always there to help them?  And that strength comes from asking for help.

It is our responsibility to teach them our teens and kids…  to be open to constant communication with them.  To be an example for them.

Rule number four:
Healthy and safe thought processes are more important to teach your child, than any form of punching or kicking.


But for something to be really sexy to a teen, it’s got to be something that they see adults really getting excited about.

Rule number five:
If you want your kids to be safe and develop their strengths, then you have to be know how to be safe and strong too… and be really excited about it.

Be the change you want in the world.

I will try and do ANYTHING in my power to keep you and your family safe ands strong.  I am not a big gear boy fighter, I’m just a little chick with a loud voice and the fortune to have thirsted for all the knowledge and experience that working in the Police and the personal protection industry has afforded me.

I have a family and I keep trying to learn how to be a better parent. I spend time researching what is hurting and killing our teens and children.  I have thrown the square away and will keep continuing to seek teaching methods on keeping people not just alive, BUT HEALTHY AND HAPPY!





I have developed courses for kids and A.S.D. needs, teen boys and girls, the workforce and disability workers, childcare and I am continuing daily to develop more for more specific requirements with my RAVES program.  Better still…. I have recruited instructors with a similar background and the desire to teach personal protection, fitness and lifestyle programs with the same passion that I have (and they know how to make it sexy…).




But don’t just listen to my ramblings… see what the QPS, schools, Women’s Groups and other organisation's think of the programs we have to offer…

Proudly teaching Australians how to be safe with:

Minimalist sole shoes and interval training: an instructors review

This is my first sojourn into the world of minimalist shoes... specifically vibram soles.  It was a toss up for me between the Merrell Ladies Pace Glove Shoes AW12 and the New Balance Ladies Minimus (B Width) Shoes AW12, but the New Balance came with some pretty awesome reviews (and in the colour black with rasberry trim... sold).

I won't bore you with the semantics of minimalist shoe theory suffice to say that the bare foot is the best foot to develop your strength and correct imbalances of the ankle, knees and back.  It has now been acknowledged that the expensive gel reinforced heels and arches have created an imbalance when God herself designed us to be walking bare foot across sand, rock and stone for a few hours a day to make us stronger on the evolutionary history channel that is life.  And we have thwarted the biomechanics of man with marketing and mass consumerism.  Enough of this rant.

I have been loyal to the Asics Nimbus and Gel with my neutral foot for 10 years, but after six of my ten toes burst through the front webbing of my 4 month old Gels in a final blast of car park olympic long jumps I have decided that the quality is no longer good enough and I wanted more.

How was it?  Excellent for our interval cross training sessions were we use weights, ply-metric high impact movements, sprinting, kicking and boxing.

Here's what I liked:
They are light as a feather and I was suprised at the arch support for a 'minimalist shoe'.
There was no "breaking in" or blisters.
Because the shoes are super light, head high kicks and knees feel fantastic.
 My feet feel like lightening compared to a conventional trainer when doing false starts and tucks.
It was easier to pivot and do sideways movement in boxing footwork.
My normal trainer is usually HEAVIER by the end of the session due to sweat.  These shoes have dri-weave technology that has put end to that feeling.

Squatting, snatching and cleans feel good because you can get the feeling of the heel on the floor, the big toe to the ground and the remaining toes raised - critical for a sound squat.
I can still wear normal socks.

The sizing was excellent.  In the ASICS I jump up half a size compared to my casual shoes, and I did the same for the New Balance and it was perfect.  (ie: Casual shoe size 6.5. Asics size 7.  New Balance size 7... New note here: Merrell's size 6.5).

WORD OF WARNING.... Do not wear these shoes outdoors in the wet.  I recently did an 8 hour bootcamp intructors course in the rain on both a bitumen court and grass, and the shoes where so slippery they were dangerous.  I went barefoot and braved the bitument and green ants instead.  In hindsight I should have gone back to the Asics Gel 2160's for outdoor wet weather.

Email me if you want me to send you a Wiggle.com invite becauseI you can get a freebie gift when you purchase something... Or, click through the flashy ad below and check out the other Vibram soles they have on offer (my next review will be on the Merrell Pace - beware the smaller sizing...). 

I would love to hear what your experience is with perfect interval training shoe for fight fitness? 

Wiggle have about a 4 day deliver time, FREE delivery and the savings are in the hundreds when it comes to training shoes...  (and check out their socks... I am a convert to their ped tech socks with little tongues at the back because I HATE SOCKS THAT SLIP WHEN I KICK! ).

Chronic pain: and how I can relate it to brain damage and bum examinations

 We have an injury question from one of our male clients with a chronically inflamed thumb and wrist...

This blog leads to stories about brain damage, cameras up bottoms and all out bodily war, so don't think this is going to be boring. p.s.: I am not a doctor, I am a creative writer in the fitness industry, so I always aim to captivate in the aim to educate.  Forgive my poor use of medical terms and explanations.  I always provide links to back up these explanations.

Have you heard of DeQuervains syndrome? And got any suggestions on wrapping etc my wrists to stop the pain during sessions?? Ouch I say!!! 

Here is the definition for DeQuervains syndrome:  the short version is it inflammation over the thumb side of the wrist, and has no known cause.

I love these questions: and questions like "I have planta faciitis but all the treatments aren't working."  Because I believe that conditions that have no known cause are strongly linked to nutrition, digestion and hormones.... aggravating the inflammation and making the condition chronic, as opposed to curable.

Let's approach this condition or any inflammation of ligaments on two angles:

1.  REMEDIAL and PREVENTATIVE ACTION
2.  NUTRITIONAL ADJUSTMENT

Remedial  action:
We have a $20 fitness assessment for Sweat Depot first timers and clients with injuries. The assessment is tailor made and we can to teach you how to wrap their hands properly.  This is why: If you wrap your hands too short in the wrist and in continuous loops across the knuckles (and not in figure eights as we suggest) then you will cause constriction of the blood flow around knuckles and ligaments, causing tears, inflammation and even carpal syndrome in people with poor circulation and healing abilities.

Here is the step by step guide on how to wrap properly.

This guide can be confusing if you have never had the wraps applied correctly before... So just just the same as you would go to a professional strapper to get your sprained ankle treated, we have included correct wrapping as part of your fitness assessment.

Stretching, as with any injury, is also the key, and we can provide you with a few simple stretches that should be applied at the end of class.  Remember - if you don't FEEL the stretch, it is not a stretch (just like people stretching their hammies with a bent leg drive me insane because they cannot possibly be stretching the hammie and are not stretching - they are faking).  And all stretches should be maintained for a minute, or performed in a complimentary sequence that exceeds 60 seconds.

Apply heat!  If it is a chronic injury,as opposed to a crush injury, heat drives blood to the injured site which promotes healing.   Coupled with stretching and massage it can reduce spasming muscles by reprogramming neuro pain responses and lengthening tendons.  I stock Aloe Heat Lotion for $27.50 because the aloe continuously and naturally treats the inflammation (as opposed to Deep Heat, or the catastrophic side effects of long term anti-inflammatory use  i.e.: stroke).

Take magnesium... there it is again!  Coupled with B12, MSM and zinc it repairs muscles and tendons their protective sheath, reduces inflammation and hence pain.  Take at least 400mg elemental magnesium per dose from 3 separate sources.  I have some at the studio...

NUTRITIONAL ADJUSTMENT:

What you eat can cause pain.   Here are the main culprits:   SUGAR.  And WHITE FLOUR.

Why?  Sugar feeds bad bacteria in your gut (candida), and bad bacteria sends out craving messages so you will feed it more sugar, hence, ensuring their survival.  These craving messages are also closely connected to pain messages... When you eat sugar (read also: drink alcohol), you get a false message of "pain relief".  However within 15 minutes (less for sugar addicts) your pain will increase as the insulin response restricts the life giving blood flow to injured sites.  Who would have thought thrush to be so dam clever?

White flour (in the form of gluten)  causes pain... well, not just white flour.  The modern gut IS THREE TIMES MORE SUSCEPTIBLE TO FOOD ALLERGIES AND SENSITIVITIES.  A food allergy is an immune response and gluten is a key culprit.  In food allergies the body attacks your guts because it thinks the offending food is a threat. Food sensitivity is just as harmful., but harder for medical tests to detect without going on an elimination diet (people are stubborn in convincing to give up sugar, try telling them they should do a 30 day elimination diet to see why they are sick... unfortunately we are so lazy and irresponsible for our health we would prefer a doctor to take some blood or stick something up our bum as the easy option).  If you suffer a food sensitivity (commonly to gluten, dairy, acidic foods) your gut acid and bacteria actually LEAKS out into your body and attacks your ligament sheaths.  And then your immunity could start attacking these leaky offenders.  Your body literally goes to war on itself, sending fluid, gases and and pain explosions to the war zones.  No wonder people with food intolerences are tired all the time....

I am explaining this like a complete novice... but I need to maintain interest, so hence the poor medical English.

And if you suffer from a food allergy or sensitivity you have to remove it completely. You can't just say... I can touch the bomb "once a day every week" and it won't blow my hands off...  And did you know that if you are a sufferer you should be adding TWICE the amount of nutrition to your diet of a non-sufferer? This is because because you have suffered brain damage, muscle and ligament damage and organ damage as a result of your intolerance continuously attacking your body for years and years.  And that equals a lot of heavy duty repair needed.  Which means MORE FOOD INTAKE AND DAILY CORRECT SUPPLEMENTATION.

When Kelly got diagnosed with a degenerative thyroid condition that most use as an obesity sentence, she transformed to this... by elimintaing SUGAR AND GRAINS and eating MORE!

To delve into this fascinating side of pain and nutrition check Chris Kresser on my website page and the concept of Paleo lifestyle.  I like Chris because he doesn't rule out every grain and all dairy from every ones diet... he tailors your dietary options by helping you take responsibility for your health in an easy 30 day plan.

Ok... enough ranting from me.  Go out and take control of your health, because really, no one else is going to care about it more then you.


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Quinoa and Roast Vegetable warm salad

 

The beauty of this warm salad is that it can be based on your left over veges and be cooked and presented like a deli salad for guests… in 15 minutes.  Plus is TASTES goooooodddd, and is really good for you.

Roast diced root vegetables  (sweet potato, potato, carrot, pumpkin, taro, beetroot) in preparation: place chopped vegetables coated in macadamia oil, sea salt and dried herbs in cold oven – turn oven to 200 degrees and bake till golden (this could take 2 hours depending on how many veges you are doing). 

Barbeque or grill moist veges and night shades cut in chunks (capsicum, zucchini, squash, onion, garlic).

To boil quinoa: rinse 1 cup of quinoa before placing in saucepan with 2 cups of water.  Bring to the boil and reduce to a simmer.  Cover and cook until the water is absorbed (about 10-15 minutes).

 

 

Just prior to serving, warm macadamia oil in large thick based pan or skillet, and reheat vegetables. Finally, stir through quinoa.  If the mixture is too dry add a little whey or chicken stock to the sizzling pan.  You can also stir in soaked lentils for added fibre and protein.

I just serve this in the pan with a glug of avocado oil, a squeeze of lemon juice, cracked pepper and fresh parley.

If you want to get uber festive at Christmas, sprinkle with slivered almonds and cranberries for a crunchy, sweet symphony.

Another favourite variation of mine is to sprinkle with feta cheese and sliced olives.

Bon appetite!

Santa is a fat man for a reason: how NOT to put on weight this Christmas

 

My tips will actually REDUCE the amount of time you are in the kitchen and have your oven on, save money, your sanity…. and your waist/ waste line.

Every Christmas I actually lose weight: not because I diet.  I have never been on a diet in my life.  But ‘tis the season for the perfect conditions to trim down – a big layout of fresh festive food to make good nutrition choices from,  hot weather and a big bum break from sitting at your work desk… all reasons your basal metabolic rate should rise over the Christmas break.  But only if you think about food and holidays as a healing joy – not an engorging excuse.

Stop being apathetic about your health with bullshit statements like “It won’t hurt to eat crap out of packets and play computer games for a week”.  Because it will, and the older and lazier you are, the harder it will be to undo all your compacted poo.  Literally. 

Follow these REALLY easy simple steps that take less time then you heading for the shops for a trolley full of chips and cheerios' and a crate of soft drink.

1.  Make AT LEAST ONE MEAL A DAY a routine, nutrition fibre packed meal to keep you regular and the good bacteria in your tummy operating.  Mine is breakfast: a glass of aloe juice, a probiotic tablet, wholemeal oats soaked in full cream milk, walnuts, and frozen berries…. coming up the rear with a green tea to get both my mind and my bowels moving.

2.  Make better “hors doeuvre” choices.  Don’t indulge from a slab of cheese, peanuts, white flour crackers and a bottle of wine or six pack of beer before the main even is even served.

I usually serve my main meal ASAP so that appetisers aren’t even an issue.  But if you feel the need to conform to the out-dated 1960’s finger food options, then here are some healthier, simpler, tastier, more crowd pleasing gluten free options:

• Fruit platters with goats cheese, market or deli bought olives, homemade wholemeal spelt or preservative free flat breads toasted on the BBQ and while you are there BBQ’d haloumi and squeeze fresh lemon juice to serve.
• Devils on horse back: smoked bacon or left over free range ham wrapped around prunes or fresh pineapple or dates.  Freaking delicious.
• Stuffed capsicums or mushrooms.
• Make you own dip!!! Hummus, pesto, or whole egg mayonnaise, or if you don’t have time to make your own use the a quality  preservative free store bought option and mix 1 part mayonnaise with 3 parts whole fat unsweetened yoghurt.  Wiz up with fresh vege and you are good to go.  Serve with crisp carrot, capsicum and celery sticks instead of crackers and bread.
• Freeze small stone fruits and berries and use them as ice cubes in drinks and cold desserts. It looks fantastic, keeps drinks and food chilly, and the fruit at least adds a little more nutrition and festivity.

3.  Indulge in the MAIN MEAL.  This is my biggest tip yet: chow down on fresh seafood, BBQ’d meats, roasts and fresh salads to make alcohol, snacking and desserts less of a priority.

Avoid: processed meats, sausages and cheeses, store bought salads, white breads, peanuts, pre-mixed alcohol, fruit juices and soft drinks.  All these things make you fat and whine like a pig.

4.  Alcohol makes you fat.  Period.  So here are some consumption tips and low sugar options:

• Drink a massive glass of water or mineral water before indulging in alcoholic beverages.  Alcohol should never be consumed when thirsty or hungry.
• Drink vodka, fresh lime and soda.
• Drink good quality white wine mixed with soda and frozen fruit and enjoy the tiny alcoholic burst at the end of your drink.

PLUS: Don’t stop moving.  Do easy, 5-20 minute workouts that will elevate your mood so you can enjoy your down time (and the wine spritzer) more…

Like the NO SANTA TUMMY 5 minute workout..

Or join me on Facebook and I have 20 – 30 minute workouts with your weight of choice (sandbags, kettle bells, slam balls or just your body weight and a race against the clock!)

 

And finally AVOID these things which lower your metabolic rate and decrease the quality of your precious holiday naps…

     TV, movies, DVD’s, computer games, shopping in fluorescent lights and the internet.

 

Increase more fun….

Play, swim, buy all your food from the markets and roadside farmers produce, go for lazy afternoon walks in un-explored suburbs and cafe lanes, meet friends in parks with a picnic and a ball, your kids and dogs, paint a piece of neglected furniture rather then buy something new in the sales, go camping in your backyard and love each other.  Love each other…. we have stopped preparing and eating food with love, playing with each other and loving the simplicity and beauty of each other.  Just love each other…

 

And stay safe so that you can look forward to another Christmas with your family x