Is teaching boys self defence a good way to tackle domestic violence and bullying?
Or are we inviting trouble by giving them more tools to commit the crime?
Over the next two months I will be spending my days at Pine River SHS, Beerwah SHS and Ferny Grove SHS teaching both boys and girls self defence due to some pretty fantastic community initiatives such as
ZONTA and
FOGS. Of course we can see the benefit self defence sessions can provide girls - physical skills, self esteem, social strategies and network building..... knowledge providing power!
But what about our boys? Can they benefit?
It is a fact that most domestic crimes are committed by men. Moreover, 21% of homicides in Australia involve intimate partners.
We have experienced in Brisbane, Australia this month three (yes, 3) violent deaths perpetrated against women and one violent stabbing involving a teenage girl.
The murder of a young Kenmore mother
The violent bashing of Strathpine woman
Woman found dead in Bracken Ridge home
Teen girl stabbed in high school
One of the things I ask my students is this... does a father hold his new born child in his arms and wish for a life of violence and pain on that child? Or do men (and women) do the best they can.... it's just that sometimes it is not good enough.
1 in 3 women will personally experience domestic violence. That figure is indisputably TOO HIGH for a civilised nation.
Do we breed our women weak? I dispute this, only women with a high pain tolerance will endure domestic violence over an extended period.
Do we as a society provide our women with safe havens and support until they are able to regain independence and heal themselves and their children? This is such a complex question it will have to wait until I am King of the world.
But can we teach our boys that they are responsible for the safety and protection of women and children, and people not as strong as themselves?
You bet we can, and I have taken it upon myself to start this education.
Young boys are risk takers - their brains don't develop to maturity until at least 23. So it is no surprise that if they can live to 19, their chances of making it to old age raises significantly. I myself know that everyday my toddler is tucked into bed asleep safely I say another silent prayer of thanks that we made it through the day (relatively) safely.
But this also opens a malleable window in boys learning that educators and experts can target... Before they become set in ways that I believe have have left our Australian males less able to cope with stress and family break down leading to violence and intimidation as coping mechanisms.
Some of the things my sessions explore are:
Australian men's ability (or lack thereof) to display affection compared to our European counterparts.
Australian role models and sporting heroes and their behaviour (or conversely well publicised misbehaviour) toward women.
What our boys see as a "strong" man.
What values our boys hold.
We also explore practical self defence measures such as: safe distances against armed attackers and how to survive such an attack, vehicle abduction prevention and escape, how to defend against strangulation and other life threatening attacks. But the background of my message is always clear..... if you use violence against someone else, what values does that mean you have? And if you see someone getting hurt - what can you do to help?
Then my boys swear at me.... and this is the part that would make the most hardened fathers of teenagers boys shed a tear....
In support of the inspirational program
WHITE RIBBON DAY my boys take an oath:
Never to commit, excuse
Or remain silent about
Violence against women
This is my oath
Because sometimes the greatest evil in society is to do nothing at all.
And when we think about those women that died this month, of children that have died at the hands of their distraught fathers, don't we all wish we could have done
SOMETHING?
Contact me if I can help spread the word to your school or community group.
I WILL change the world... one child at a time.
If you don't have a twin set of bells (and have no idea what I am talking about), we will assess you before the program and order you a set! You will get over 25% off for your kettle bells as part of the prepaid program package! 6 kilo ball sets will be as little as $55. You will turn up on the day... and your new balls will be waiting....
